Maintaining intimacy is one of the most difficult elements of a committed relationship. And yet it is often one of our greatest longings. To truly connect and deeply enjoy your lover can bring up fear in many of us because it requires surrender. The surrender of our small egos and our masks. To drop the defenses that keep us separate and allow ourselves to be seen in our vulnerability.
No wonder this doesn't always come easily. As children our spontaneous desires are often suppressed by well-meaning parents and guardians, teachers and friends. How many times have we been told to “be quiet, sit still, don’t touch that”. While teaching a child manners, this can also negatively impact our expression. When all we want is to follow our natural curiosity for the world around us, and this desire is squashed, it sends a message that “my longing to connect is not appropriate”, and moreover perhaps something to be ashamed of. This in turn creates a false, subconscious belief that freezes and prohibits our future expression.
Hence, because so much about intimacy depends on us being able to express who we are, this can manifest later in life as a breakdown between our desire to love and our ability to follow our love to its full fruition.
Counselling and self exploration is a powerful and effective way to begin to heal the frozen parts of ourselves that hold us back from connecting deeply.
Allow yourself to be drawn to and surrender to your own mystery – this is the only way to create a more fulfilling and exciting relationship with your significant other, and more importantly, with yourself.